Bon Voyage to Self

The other lands are calling. I’ve packed my bag and left things as they should be. This is my life – and it’s ok – a bag and everything as it should be. Time has brought me to this moment and time will take me to another, and another and yet another after that. I am ready. Well, I‘m not struggling at least! The fact is I feel nothing. No excitement, no anticipation, no sadness, no fear – simply nothing. Except, there is a pain in my right ear. Throbbing throbbing throbbing. And, an acute stabbing sensation too. It came out of nowhere and has gradually increased over the past few hours. Like so many things that creep up on us unexpectedly – like ageing! I’m not immune. I’ve been discovering that recently. Did I ever think I was? Yes, ten years ago and more perhaps I did because I never thought about it – and now I do.

You left me. You went away. You took the breath from my body and the blood from my veins. You made a life with someone else. You made a life! And everything in my world stopped. Everything. Tick tock tick tock  – stop. Except the tears and the ageing of course.  They don’t stop. What I saw in the mirror wasn’t the same me and when I thought of you, it wasn’t the same you either. The You you would not have gone away . The You you never wanted to leave me, never could. How come it was so easy?

What fools we are for love!

My ear hurts but that pain will go away – and the other? The endless other? I’ll get used to it, I suppose…